This post was written by GG Sebastian.
You are probably reading this article because of your approach anxiety when solo gaming. This guide is more geared towards your inner game. Unfortunately, there is no magical pill you can take to immediately rid yourself of AA, it’s all a mental process. For those of you that want the short version: I just stopped being scared. Sorry, for not really being sorry.
First, I will share my own experience with AA during solo gaming. My very first night of solo gaming was at a busy bar in Newport Beach, CA. If you’ve ever been there it’s literally 90% white/Caucasian and I was the only Asian seen within miles of that area. I walked in and opened a 4 set of girls by myself and I used a canned opener “Hi, I‘m Sebastian”. The first girl that opened her mouth said exactly word for word “you are weird, leave us alone, and get the fuck out”. I ran out the club with a clenching feeling in my chest and as I walked out the bar I saw more and more girls going inside. My mind was racing with non stop conversations “what did I do wrong? Am I ugly? Is there something wrong with me? Is it because I’m Asian? Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve…” The conversations were endless. I did not go back out for a week, just stayed home and binge watched a shit ton of TV shows and porn.
Then I was watching some day gaming videos on Youtube and that finally got me motivated to leave the house. I went to a local college literally less than 5 minutes away from my house. I was so pumped and motivated as soon as I got on campus. I remember as clear as day, there was a gorgeous blonde sitting on the grass by herself. I began walking up to her and halfway through, I FROZE. In my head, those same conversations came up. The worst part of it was that deep down in my fucken soul, mind, and body… FEAR began blossoming inside me. The fear of pain, rejection, and feeling worthless. So I turned around and went home angry at myself. About 2 weeks later, the school semester started and my buddy was telling me about this cute blonde girl in his communications class and guess who the girl was… Yup the same blonde I saw. My buddy told me she was single and has been for the longest time.
A month later, I saw her in the same spot sitting on the grass. I sat on a bench by myself quiet and alone trying to pep talk myself into approaching for a good 10 minutes. I finally mustered up enough courage to approach her and said “You look super cute, I just had to come say hi to you. I’m Sebastian”. She told me that’s very sweet, but she has a boyfriend. I just walked away upset because I remember she was single. However, on my face book newsfeed I saw my buddy comment on her wall saying “congrats, he is a lucky guy”. Within a month she found herself a boyfriend. Now my self-conversations completely changed. Now they were “if only I approached her sooner I would’ve had a chance”. I used that regret as fuel and drive to approach.
***The feeling of regret is worse than the feeling of rejection*** Every single fucken time I had AA or fears I just had to recall that regret is worse.
Now here’s my coaching to you: – Ask yourself “What would your life look like without Approach Anxiety?” – How much longer are you going to let AA dictate and control your life? – Proceeding with action in spite of fear is courage so be courageous – Get to the root of your approach anxiety, ask yourself why do you even have AA in the first place? – Close your eyes and create a vivid visualization of what you want (Girlfriend, family, marriage, sex, etc). Are your desires bigger than your fears? When your desire becomes bigger than your need to become comfortable, you’ll do whatever it takes to get over your fears/anxiety.
For the logical/analytical people: Constantly throw yourself (alone) in a venue and just stand there… LITERALLY just stand there. Don’t get a drink, don’t talk to any men, don’t talk to the bartender or employees and just stand there. See how long you can stay there without opening anyone or leaving. I promise you that you’ll either become extremely uncomfortable or it’ll drive you insane to the point where you will force yourself to approach.
(NAME REDACTED) explains in his boot camps about the idea of “flooding” where you constantly keep approaching to the point where you are desensitized to the fear of approaching.
If you absolutely cannot approach without any alcohol, sure have a drink. However, remember that you don’t want to rely on alcohol to approach. What if in the future you’re at a venue that doesn’t have alcohol? Lastly, you obviously want to remember any success you have. If you’re too trashed you’re not going to remember what you did right. Also, you want to have social awareness as you’re gaming. It’s almost impossible to be socially aware when you’re drunk.
Common question:
“Don’t you feel weird/awkward going to a venue alone and telling people you’re by yourself at the venue?”
It’s only awkward if you make it awkward. Here’s how it would go for me sometimes:
HB: Where are your friends at?
Me: Right here! *points at the girl* Hugs for new friends! *hugs girl* Me: Just me tonight! I love meeting new people by myself anyways. Me: My friends hate going out to these kind of places (which was true)
OR (Techniques REDACTED)
“Why should I solo game?”
First of all, you don’t want to rely on a wing as a crutch. Are you just going to stop gaming if you never find a wing? Also based on my own personal experience, solo gaming increases your learning rate exponentially. Not only do you become more resilient towards AA/AMOGS/shit tests, but your social intelligence begins increasing as you gain more and more experience.